She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
