I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
