so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
