I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
