Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
