I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
