so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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