I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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