Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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