im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
