I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
