I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
