naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
