the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
