My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
