Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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