i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
