Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
