Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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