I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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