we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
