just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
