There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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