OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
