The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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