I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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