This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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