Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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