The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
