I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
