careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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