You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
