I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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