Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
