You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
