After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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