We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
