Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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