The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've blown a few things in my day
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
