A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
