My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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