you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
