i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
