I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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