is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
