Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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