saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
