My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
