ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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