Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
