I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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