The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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