I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
