i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
