the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
