I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
