So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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